he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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