who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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