she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We just shotgunned beers for America
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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