i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
