i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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