GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
