i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
