is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Redeem this text for a blowjob
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
