So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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