Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
