How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
no you cant smoke seaweed
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
