Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
