She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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