My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Congratulations! We have a period
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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