man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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