Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I have post one night stand depression
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