Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
