It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
