you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
