on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
