I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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