I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
