If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
