Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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