Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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