He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
