i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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