Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
