Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
