They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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