Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
