Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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