I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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