Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
