she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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