If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Dignity is for republicans.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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