i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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