he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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