I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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