I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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