the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
