Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
