she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
