Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
