you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
