I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
