You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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