You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
