So drunk its hurt
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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