Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
