Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
