My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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