I haven't been this sober since birth.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
