i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
