Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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