you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
