well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
