This is not my ceiling
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
